B'IING HAAM the HUTT
B'iing Haam as seen at one of his grandiose celebrations.
B'iing Haam the Hutt is a Human Male warlord and musical afficianado residing in a large, grass, castle-like dread fort on Naboo. Among his many exploits, of which he often brags, is the fact that he has twice hired and three times fired Big Dick Binks. B'iing Haam can be heard often regailing the claim that it was his strict business practices that pushed Binks to the Dark Side. B'iing Haam is not political, though is known to be in dealings with Sith. His grass castle is referred to locally as B'iing Haam's Hut, and is known across the galaxy as the place to be for wild parties. These events can be expected to have live music, excellent food, excesses of drink, and the sexual exploits of many. Rumor has it that the mysterious Yondle spends time here in hiding. Template:Individual infobox
Biography[]
Born to unrecorded human parents, Haam has stated that his childhood on Tattooine was "unremarkable in every way, until I was mistaken for a broken droid and stolen by Jawas."[1] Haam recalls that upon the Jawas' discovery of his organic, and not robotic, nature he was sold as meat to Jabba the Hutt. Apparently displaying uncharacteristic generosity and pity, Jabba spared the young boy and raised him in his palace of trouble and hedonism. B'iing claims that this decision to spare his life was the worst that Jabba ever made.
While Jabba was not a remarkable father figure to B'iing, he did take an immediate interest in the band. By 17 he had mastered every instrument he could lay his hands on, but had a special gift with the accordian, a rare and strange instrument from a distant land. B'iing, in an interview with Cosmopolitan, said "the accordian man, there's nothing like it. The girls go crazy for it. I actually helped destroy the Death Star using it, because Vader had never heard anything like it before."[2] Shortly after news of his musical talent began to spread, Haam made way to Naboo with an unsavory accomplice. Yondle, master criminal and tax evading drug dealer brought him to Naboo with promise of grand sexual exploits. While Yondle explored the intricacy of Gungan bodies, Haam began another adventure.
The Hutt, the Hut, and Haam's Golden Era[]
Upon his arrival to Naboo, Haam realized the lack of a club scene almost immediately. "There was just no place to really boogey," Haam stated in his acceptance speech into the Boogey Hall of Fame.[3] With the savings in his pocket he was able to construct a small grass hut in which he would perform music to passersby daily. As his popularity grew, so did the need for a bigger space. Originally advertising himself as B'iing Haam the Human Marvel, Haam garnered limited success but began to acquire a cult following. In a letter penned to him by Yondle from prison, Haam was advised to leech off of the notorioty of his adoptive father.
Rebranding himself as B'iing Haam the Hutt, and christening the now expanding grass building as simply The Hut, Haam began to sell food and drink to those who would come and watch his performances. It didn't take long for the Hut to become one of Naboo's most popular nightlife features. It was around this time that Haam began to hire help to run the Hutt. Through a reccommendation, Haam brought on Jar Jar Binks as a bartender and waiter (then known still as Kosa-Yin Hadu). Binks' and Haam's relationship was reportedly rocky from the start, though Jar Jar would be hired twice by Haam before being fired permanently shortly before he turned to the Dark Side.
Despite this rift in Haam's professional relationship with Binks, the years following are considered the Golden Era for Haam and his Hut. Nightly thousands would crowd into his stronghold and join in musical concerts, food, drinking, and large orgies[4]. The demand was so high that Haam began to bring in other musicians to hold residencies inside the Hut and its ever-expanding footprint. Haam himself began to rarely perform, instead participating in trade dealings, smuggling, and exo-planet colonization and genocide. His criminal reputation began to expand when rumors spread that Haam was known to hide wanted traitors and war criminals inside the expansive rooms of the Hut. Because of the estimated revenue during this time landing somewhere between 26 and 47 million credits annually, Haam was able to avoid arrest.
Upon the death of Jabba the Hutt, Haam was forced to rethink his public venue out of fear for his own life. Restricting access inside the Hut to a hand-picked and ever changing guest list, and instating guards at every entrance. During this time of uncertainty, Haam's musical notorioty began to fade and he was forced to seek out other ventures to maintain his lavish and expensive lifestyle. Moving from Naboo in secret, Haam returned to Tattooine in order to lay stakes in the spice business the other Hutts had begun to monopolize.
Haam's Spice Enterprise[]
Upon his arrival to Tattooine, Haam immediately set up a spice mine and spared no expense in hiring miners and purchasing top line refining equiptment. After installing extensive security around his property, Haam remained on Tattooine long enough to begin to see a profit on this expedition before returning to his home on Naboo. As the credits continued to pour in, Haam was alarmed to hear of an insurgency on Tattooine by one Mazie Skywalker. Always the Swindler and never the Swindled, Haam unleashed what could be considered a substantial private army onto Skywalker. After his unexciting and quiet victory, Haam continued to rake in the profits from his mine but did not again visit Tattooine, instead expecting that his venture there would be self-sustaining long enough that he could make enough money not to upkeep it.
Hermitage and Disappearance from the Public Eye[]
Following the embarassment on Tattooine, Haam became a recluse inside the Hut. Opening it again to the public eye, the venue was met with triumphant reviews and larger crowds than ever. People traveled from all over to experience the new and improved B'iing Haam's Hut, though sightings of the proprietor became rarer and rarer. Haam has been rumored to appear some nights to perform the accordian for cheering crowds, though he has never been photographed doing so. It is rumored that Haam has not left his dreadfort in nearly 30 years, choosing instead to remain in hiding with the rest of his criminal companions.
After an incident of a rowdy Jedi inside his bar, it is reported that Haam suggested someone come up with a way to eliminate all Jedi from the galaxy.[5] This is sometimes taken to mean that Haam planted the seed for Order 66, though it has never been confirmed by interior sources.